懷特島・3－紫色雞尾草 Lavender Cocktail

22.09.13 11.00

Finally, a calm calm sea. Here I hear no bashing of waves, no cries of laughter; here I see no flags of beach towels, no scattering of flip flops all over the beach. Tell me, why is the sea so quiet today. So quiet that it could be forgotten, ignored or neglected. Why is there no one staring at this enormous blue-grey-green mattress?

Here I am on the pier in an amusement park: a madness of rides slides car racing tracks rocking chairs are around me. They are so colourful that the sea seems to be colouless in comparison. The crazy high-pitched song is running over and over again, tickling the deepest part of my heart. And suddenly, as I realise, the song is gone. Silence creeps over the pier, as the waves secretly run between your toes. The amusement part is desolate as the beaches far away in sight. The half-full bin has not been cleared for a few days, perhaps.

My eyes are desperately searching for the one or two kinds around - please don't go away! No! No! No... no...

I wish. I wish I had been here a month ago when the sea still was still arrogantly showing off her glimmering blue skirt. When the sand still glinted while steaming hot wind stirred. When the lady at the snack kiosk was so busy that she wished for another hand and another leg. Now, I long for that wind crowded wind-caressing sun-blinding summer day.

If I had been here, I would have seen the shadow of myself. My little self that is long gone.

Oh, they are playing such an old tune. The old couples swayed their heavy bodies while holding the other's wrinkled hands. Maybe that would be me, in a few decades' time. I will be back to this piece of sea, to this old park with blurred vision and a bruised heart.

12.00

To: Mr Jones
Please excuse me for disturbing your peace. Now sitting in front of your gravestone, I am a girl from all the way across the world. You didn't know me when you were alive, but now you do.

How do you feel resting eternally? Is it boring or is it wonderful? You are now lying next to a lovely old church, perhaps built 500 years ago, if you would like to know. From here, you may look down to the small village of Godshill - the cottages and the beautiful gardens, these are probably not what you had seen hundred or so years ago?

The hill stretches, tree compiling on each other, as if there is no limit, no edge of all. Staring into the far-away hillside, I often wonder what is there? There will be no chance for me to see everything in the world, I am afraid. Did you have the same fear before? I don't know how far you had travelled to in the past. They say that people at your time never travel very far. It probably did not occur to your as a problem. The more you think about it, the bigger the trouble. The more places you have been to, the more you crave to go further. I hate to stay in one place forever, as I do not wish to be ignorant until my skin wrinkles and my feet too sore. Perhaps you will find me a foolish girl with foolish thoughts. (I guess you are wiser than me).

I walked around your church, careful not to step on any of the yellow flowers. Daisies? I have no idea about flower, but their fragile beauty captures. Never in bunches, always a loner in the fields of grasses. They say people die, and become parts of the nature. Some say it's a bunch of nonsense, while some believe until their deathbeds. The little yellow flowers may be the spirits of the belle in yellow gown, in a long long night waiting for her lover.
Oh you must now consider me a lunatic. But where are you now? Are you the patch of earth that I'm now sitting on? Are you the bush over the church backdoor? You will never tell, will you? Not until the day I fall…